Understanding Matters More Than Being Right

A Lesson from Hemingway on Empathy

“Try to get into other people’s heads. If I shout at you, try to understand what I’m thinking and what you’re feeling. If Carlos insults Juan, ask yourself what both of them are thinking. Don’t think about who’s right. As a man, you have to judge and decide. As a writer, you have to understand.”
— Ernest Hemingway, On Writing

Hemingway wrote these words for aspiring writers, but this wisdom extends far beyond the page — it belongs in our everyday conversations, debates, and moments of tension.

At its core, Hemingway’s advice reminds us that in human communication, we can make a powerful shift: from judging to understanding.

Understanding or Being Right?

Who cares about who is “right”?
We’re all right — and we’re all wrong — in our own way. What truly changes the conversation is not the need to convince, but the desire to understand:

• How did this person arrive at their beliefs?

• What shaped their worldview?

• What are they trying to express beneath the words?

When we start asking these questions, our perspective changes — and so does our language. It becomes more gentle, more empathetic. Confrontation fades. Instead of reacting, we start listening.

We begin to recognize that there’s a story behind every opinion. A willingness to know that story opens space for connection — and perhaps even common ground — where before we only saw difference.

Empathetic communication isn’t just emotional.
It’s powerful. It’s revolutionary.

One more thing…I asked ChatGPT to reflect on Hemingway’s quote from a sustainability point of view, and this is what it came up with.
I think it’s a meaningful addition to the conversation.
Enjoy it.

From Conflict to Connection: A Sustainable Approach to Communication

We often think of sustainability in terms of products, habits, or climate action. But there’s a deeper, less visible layer:

Sustainable conversations.
Just like we reduce waste in the environment, we can reduce waste in our relationships — things like blame, misunderstanding, and defensiveness.

How to Practice Sustainable Communication:

1. Pause before you respond.

Instead of asking, “Who’s right?”, try asking:

“What might they be feeling?”
“What experience shaped this belief?”

2. See people as stories, not just positions.

Carlos insults Juan. Why?
Maybe Carlos is afraid.
Maybe Juan triggered an old wound.
Understanding both doesn’t mean agreeing — it means honoring complexity.

3. Shift from ego to empathy.

It takes strength to choose understanding over righteousness.
But when you do, you plant seeds of respect, curiosity, and deeper connection.

A real life example:

Let’s say Juan is talking about fast fashion with Carlos, who still shops at major retailers. Juan could judge. He could correct.
But instead, he chooses a different path:

Instead of saying, “You’re wrong,”
he asks, “What do you like about that brand?”
Instead of pushing his values,
he shares his journey.

And just like that, it’s no longer a debate — it’s a dialogue.
It’s not about winning. It’s about weaving a deeper human connection — one that just might inspire real change.

What if — like Hemingway suggests — we all acted less like judges, and more like writers?

Writers look beneath the surface.
They ask why.
They sit with tension.
They know that people, like stories, are messy and layered and full of contradictions.

In a world growing more polarized, that mindset isn’t just rare —
It might be the most radical and sustainable act of all.

Next time you feel the urge to be right, try this instead:
Pause. Ask. Listen.
You might not change someone’s mind — but you might just change the tone of the conversation.

And that’s a beautiful place to start.